How we decided Elvis was really Columbus

"Next week is a 4 day week", Kirk announced with a grin.

Kelvin seemed both surprised and unimpressed. "No way. It can't be."

"Yep", I said, "It's Columbus Day. We get off for Columbus Day".

"Why?" Kelvin wondered

"It's because we are based out of Boston and they are the center of the patriotic world or something like that. You know, like the Boston Tea Party.", I volunteered.

"Columbus was never at the Boston Tea Party. Columbus had nothing to do with America as a nation."

"Sure he did. He was one of our nation's founders, the zeroth President of the United States."

"He was ash long before the Declaration of Independence was even signed."

"Yeah, but he did help write it, even if he was in semi-retirement at that point and only functioning as a consultant in an advisory capacity."

"Oh come on!"

"He also presided over the first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims."

"Yeah, but he was working for McKinsey back then and he recommended that the indians all get laid off."

"You mean killed."

"Well, he called it a Reduction in Force."

"That still doesn't explain why we get Columbus Day off. Columbus wasn't even an American. Celebrating him gives glory to Spain, not to us. We might as well be celebrating Leif Erikkson or that Chineese guy that they say got here even earlier."

"No way man. Columbus was a native born American son, born in the heartland on the plains of Kansas. He even did a stint in Vietnam and received a commendation for bravery."

"ok..."

"Well, you did know Elvis was really Columbus right? Columbus has been living down through the centuries, unable to die. His Elvis phase had a lot of us worried that maybe he was becomming less distinguished in his old age. Why do you think everyone is convinced Elvis is still alive? It's because he is, because he is really Columbus. The government knows about this and that is why we celebrate Columbus Day... it's a tribute to the king from those who know."

"I suppose that makes as much sense as anything else. I still don't get why we have it off."

"Don't analyze, just enjoy!"